I can recall many times when my daughter would comment on the way strangers looked when we were at the grocery store or running errands around town. The most recent incident took place in line at the grocery store. My daughter commented that the woman behind us was "fat." I quietly told her that it wasn't very nice to say that someone was fat and hoped that the woman didn't hear her. Without realizing it, I may have sent her an unintended message with my response. By silencing her and reprimanding her I sent her the message that being of a larger size is not ideal. How do I know if the woman was happy with her weight or not?
If I were to respond in a more supportive, anti-bias manner I could have explained that everyone has a different body type and just because someone is larger doesn't mean that it is fat. There bones and muscles could be larger as well. I do not remember what the woman looked like, I think I just tried to ignore the whole thing because it was a little uncomfortable and embarrassing. We are taught to try not to notice differences in others and especially not point them out, but by ignoring them we may be sending the message that different is bad.
Reference:
Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J.
(2010). Anti-bias
education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.
Mary,
ReplyDeleteI wrote about this same type of experience. I know there have been many times when I have responded inappropriately to my child's different comments. I am thankful for all that I am learning through this class so hopefully I will not make those same types of mistakes in the future.
Hi Mary,
ReplyDeleteI think you bring up a wonderful point here. Parent's don't always handle these uncomfortable situation in public very well. It takes the reflection to see how you could have handled that differently. When the child see's their parent get uncomfortable, they really pick up on this energy and it translates it's own message that this is "not ok". That further translates to fear in the child and leads to pre-prejudice attitudes. The key is education--for teachers, parents and community members. Had your daughter commented this way after you had taken this course, you would have known how to respond respectfully to all parties with ease and confidence. Doesn't that translate a whole new message to the child. They see what we do and say, but they also read our energy. We model prejudice or tolerance often unknowingly. Therefore, educating ourselves, using self-reflection skills, admitting and apologizing when we make mistakes, and not being afraid to talk about uncomfortable subjects is paramount to helping children develop the self- esteem to notice and talk about differences respectfully. I have a friend who's a little person, and children approach him all the time with straight questions and comments. He says that he's never offended by a child, only the adult that doesn't show either of them dignity or respect. It's such an important point. Great post!
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Very Nice Mary,
ReplyDeletedid you ever watch those shows when Tyra Banks was on, or some of those other daytime talkshows. They talk about the uninteded message that we send about weight. It makes our young girls develop not only insensitivity but at times standards that are not the ideal and almost impossible to live up to. I say kudos on your realization!